When can child face forward
Kelly Wallace is CNN's digital correspondent and editor-at-large covering family, career and life. Read her other columns, and follow her reports at CNN Parents and on Twitter.
(CNN) The dad stood as close to the goalpost as he could get, coaching his 9-year-old daughter from the sidelines of her recreational soccer league game.
The craziest thing I did to make my kid happy was.
The craziest thing I did to make my kid happy was. 01:58
We've all seen such parenting behavior countless times: Parents overly invested in their child's success, wanting to see their child achieve in sports, music, academics, you name it, competing with others via their children.
It can take the form of both high praise and sharp criticism.
And in the most extreme cases, there's actually a name for it: narcissistic parenting, according to Joseph Burgo. who devotes an entire chapter to this behavior in his new book "The Narcissist You Know: Defending Yourself Against Extreme Narcissists in an All-About-Me Age."
"The winner-loser dynamic is at the heart of extreme narcissism, and the narcissistic parent is somebody
who plays that game through their children," said Burgo, a marriage and family therapist and clinical psychologist who has been practicing for more than 30 years.
"They are the ones who are driven to create children who are winners, and not only are they winners, but they're better than other people's kids, and they will, in conversation, bring things up. They will bring up accomplishments, which schools their kids got accepted to, how much money they're earning, in order to make you feel bad -- your kid is less than them."
Psychologist Joseph Burgo is the author of "The Narcissist You Know."
Louise Sattler, a school psychologist, remembers acting auditions for her now grown daughter. The acting moms, she said, would be more "stealth" than the sports moms, and would just "casually" mention their child's success in the restroom when other people were around.
What's "tragic" about this type of parenting, said Burgo, is that it communicates to the children that they aren't loved and accepted for who they are. "They've got to perform. They've got to win to be accepted."Source: www.cnn.com