What is a poor personal statement?
"I have always dreamed of coming to LSE since I was young. It has been a dream of mine to study at this institution, which is well renowned for its social science courses.
I am currently studying History, English and Business and Management at Higher level and Italian, Maths and Chemistry at Standard level in the International Baccalaureate, and feel that these subjects are providing me with a solid background for university study.
I want to study History because I want to be a world class Historian, and feel that this degree will help me. I am especially interested in Ancient History, particularly the history concerning the Roman Empire. I am fascinated by the way in which the empire was run, and the events that led to its downfall.
I was the captain of the school football team and excelled in most other sports. I have also worked part-time in a sports store to earn money for university.
It is my dream to become an alumni of the School, and I am sure that as I am the top student of my class, you will offer me a place."
This brief example of a personal statement
is poor because it does not give any indication of their potential as an LSE student. As mentioned in 'What makes a good personal statement | ', the Admissions Tutor is looking for a well structured statement, which includes information on an applicant's academic and personal achievements.
This applicant also talks about their interest in Ancient History and how they wish to study this subject area. As LSE does not offer a degree in Ancient History, this would indicate that the applicant has not done any research about the courses we offer before they decided to apply.
The example above also talks about being the captain of the school football team. This sentence on its own doesn't provide the Admissions Tutor with any extra information about the applicant. A more useful statement would be:
"I was the captain of the school football team, and this has taught me the importance of working together as a team, and allowed me to prioritise my time between my studies and football practice. I feel that this has provided me with the experience to successfully balance my academic and social life, and I plan to continue this balance whilst at university."Source: www.lse.ac.uk